When I say I am grateful for the people in my life, whose actions, although painful, have taught me much, I am not condoning their cruelty. That would be as ridiculous as appreciating cancer for taking a life, or failed brakes for causing a car accident.
Life gives us experiences. Some of those experiences are incredibly painful and they force us to dig deep to discover strengths and abilities we probably never knew we had. Sometimes those experiences force us down a completely different path that eventually opens us up to wonderful people and other experiences. My being grateful, is for the experience itself. I am grateful that I dug deep and found strength and that I took what was meant to destroy me and used it to move me forward without surrendering my heart or my integrity. I am grateful for the healing and what it taught me.
In that healing I choose to not dwell on, or to hate the person who inflicted the wound. Sometimes that is enabled by an apology from the person but often it is simply a choice I have made.
I am not conflicted by eliminating people from my life. Nowhere in my being am I required to lie down in front of a bus that has already run over me once. I choose not to give anyone that kind of power over me. I will never knowingly allow anyone with hateful or harmful intents a place in my life. I work hard to live on my own terms and my door is open to anyone who wants to share, but I am not giving up me to deal with negatives.
I am not doing this because I am some kind of enlightened saint. I am a wounded, broken being, like most of us. Life has chewed me up and spit me out more times than I can say. I am chipped, and scarred and if I was ever perfect or flawless, I cannot remember. I have fought to hold onto my light. I have fought to find my soul in the heap of garbage life has thrown on me. I have learned that I am worth fighting for and that no-one is entrusted with that job, except me.
I listen to the inner wisdom that is tuned to who I am and what I need. If I stay in tune with that I will be happy, no matter what my life circumstances might be. I can only be pulled from the place of peace if I allow what other’s say or do to pull me off my centre. And if that happens, the blame lies solely with me because I allowed that to happen.
If I listen to the pain that was caused. If I look at the wound inflicted, I will find truth that I can use to make me stronger. Every wound requires healing and every healing infuses love into my life and I am stronger, more aware, and more able to love others.
I am blessed with people to feel my pain when I struggle, and who support me to heal. They don’t “hate” on my behalf. They simply walk with me, allow my tears, comfort me and love me … imperfect and broken … fighting to find myself again and to stand in the light.